By Christy Whitman and Rebecca Grado
We’ve probably all crossed paths with a drama queen, or been friends with one, or even been one! You know who we’re talking about, right? She’s that gal who is a bit self-absorbed, highly sensitive, and extremely emotional. Everyday experiences become larger than life to her; and she expects her friends to drop what they’re doing and be as captivated with her drama as she is with it. Notoriously self centered, she believes that her crisis is your crisis, and her problems should be your top priority! In other words, her needs overshadow yours, hands down!
In the book, Taming Your Alpha Bitch: How to be Fierce and Feminine (and get everything you want!) Rebecca Grado and Christy Whitman call this type of woman a “Disruptive Alpha” – one of the four characteristics that defines an Alpha Bitch. The Disruptive Alpha, or drama queen, is a master at creating tension and discord everywhere she goes. She knows how to stir the pot by bringing up provocative subjects and dropping inflammatory comments at just the right moment. She’s fond of exaggerating minor details, and letting little setbacks escalate into explosive outbursts. The Disruptive Alpha just loves to spread juicy gossip that is sure to ignite her girlfriend’s emotions and send them into overdrive.
Yes, she’s that friend who loves (in fact needs) constant attention and doesn’t mind the amount of upheaval she creates in order to get it. She’ll cause embarrassing scenes in bars if the spotlight rests on someone else, or she’ll start nasty arguments with her boyfriend just to ensure that she monopolizes the sympathy of her girlfriends. There is only one thing this diva loves more than a good scandal, and that’s spreading it like wildfire until everyone has been sucked into her dramatic tale.
She’s definitely entertaining, but as exciting as the Drama Queen can be, there is a down side to all of her theatrics. At work, her love of gossip and conflict often diverts her attention away from business. Her highly inflammatory behavior often sabotages the success she rightly deserves, not to mention that it’s hard for her bosses to take her seriously when she’s at the center of most office scandals.
Her intimate relationships often suffer because she is so self-involved. Seldom does she think about her partner’s needs or wants, their interests or concerns. To put it mildly, the drama queen is high maintenance, and being around her can be exhausting, both physically and emotionally. Not too many guys stick around for long.
As a mother, her addiction to conflict can overshadow the needs of her children. From arguments with other moms to battles with their teachers -- this “drama mama” is constantly embroiled in turmoil. Upstaging her kids and making their moments in the spotlight all about her is the norm. In the end, her children either learn how to outdo her in order to get noticed—or worse, they simply fade into the background, feeling too insignificant to be seen.
The Drama Queen’s friendships suffer as well. Being a member of her entourage (with its constant flurry of activity and excitement) has some appeal, but the endless disruptions and obsessing over the details of her life can be extremely distracting, not to mention draining. Her never-ending antics eventually wear thin, and often her closest friends eventually lose interest in the drama, and may even choose to opt out of her life.
So,what can you do if you find yourself in the company of a drama queen (or you recognize that you’re acting like one?) Start by setting good boundaries for yourself, and definitely don’t give in to the theatrics. Just because your friend, sister, or roommate is crying hysterically doesn’t mean you have to drop what you’re doing and go running to her side. Remember that hysteria is her go-to emotion—a broken nail, or a spilled cup of coffee are cause for overreaction in her world. The bottom line is that she’s quite capable of dealing with whatever bump in the road she’s experiencing. Giving yourself permission to not respond to her every whim, is the key to your peace of mind.
And, if you catch yourself resorting to the theatrics of a drama queen, try to identify the payoff you receive by “freaking out.” Is it stress relief or a rush of power that you crave? Once you know what you get from these emotional outbursts, see if you can think of a better way to meet these needs.
Also, before impulsively reaching out to others when the smallest mishaps occur, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts. Decide whether the situation is really deserving of their time and energy, and whether it’s worth the imposition. Life is filled with moments of conflict and uncertainty; and learning to deal with them calmly and appropriately is essential to your empowerment.
As you begin to eliminate drama from your life, your time and energy will be redirected to achieving your goals. And just imagine what you will be able to accomplish when all of that creative energy (that is squandered on unnecessary drama) is channeled into your dreams and desires. You’ll be so delighted to see how much more fulfilling life becomes when drama is out of the picture.
To instantly receive great tips on how to shift from Alpha Bitch to Fierce and Feminine, and to receive the download of the book for free just go here: www.alphabitchbook.com
In the book, Taming Your Alpha Bitch: How to be Fierce and Feminine (and get everything you want!) Rebecca Grado and Christy Whitman call this type of woman a “Disruptive Alpha” – one of the four characteristics that defines an Alpha Bitch. The Disruptive Alpha, or drama queen, is a master at creating tension and discord everywhere she goes. She knows how to stir the pot by bringing up provocative subjects and dropping inflammatory comments at just the right moment. She’s fond of exaggerating minor details, and letting little setbacks escalate into explosive outbursts. The Disruptive Alpha just loves to spread juicy gossip that is sure to ignite her girlfriend’s emotions and send them into overdrive.
Yes, she’s that friend who loves (in fact needs) constant attention and doesn’t mind the amount of upheaval she creates in order to get it. She’ll cause embarrassing scenes in bars if the spotlight rests on someone else, or she’ll start nasty arguments with her boyfriend just to ensure that she monopolizes the sympathy of her girlfriends. There is only one thing this diva loves more than a good scandal, and that’s spreading it like wildfire until everyone has been sucked into her dramatic tale.
She’s definitely entertaining, but as exciting as the Drama Queen can be, there is a down side to all of her theatrics. At work, her love of gossip and conflict often diverts her attention away from business. Her highly inflammatory behavior often sabotages the success she rightly deserves, not to mention that it’s hard for her bosses to take her seriously when she’s at the center of most office scandals.
Her intimate relationships often suffer because she is so self-involved. Seldom does she think about her partner’s needs or wants, their interests or concerns. To put it mildly, the drama queen is high maintenance, and being around her can be exhausting, both physically and emotionally. Not too many guys stick around for long.
As a mother, her addiction to conflict can overshadow the needs of her children. From arguments with other moms to battles with their teachers -- this “drama mama” is constantly embroiled in turmoil. Upstaging her kids and making their moments in the spotlight all about her is the norm. In the end, her children either learn how to outdo her in order to get noticed—or worse, they simply fade into the background, feeling too insignificant to be seen.
The Drama Queen’s friendships suffer as well. Being a member of her entourage (with its constant flurry of activity and excitement) has some appeal, but the endless disruptions and obsessing over the details of her life can be extremely distracting, not to mention draining. Her never-ending antics eventually wear thin, and often her closest friends eventually lose interest in the drama, and may even choose to opt out of her life.
So,what can you do if you find yourself in the company of a drama queen (or you recognize that you’re acting like one?) Start by setting good boundaries for yourself, and definitely don’t give in to the theatrics. Just because your friend, sister, or roommate is crying hysterically doesn’t mean you have to drop what you’re doing and go running to her side. Remember that hysteria is her go-to emotion—a broken nail, or a spilled cup of coffee are cause for overreaction in her world. The bottom line is that she’s quite capable of dealing with whatever bump in the road she’s experiencing. Giving yourself permission to not respond to her every whim, is the key to your peace of mind.
And, if you catch yourself resorting to the theatrics of a drama queen, try to identify the payoff you receive by “freaking out.” Is it stress relief or a rush of power that you crave? Once you know what you get from these emotional outbursts, see if you can think of a better way to meet these needs.
Also, before impulsively reaching out to others when the smallest mishaps occur, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts. Decide whether the situation is really deserving of their time and energy, and whether it’s worth the imposition. Life is filled with moments of conflict and uncertainty; and learning to deal with them calmly and appropriately is essential to your empowerment.
As you begin to eliminate drama from your life, your time and energy will be redirected to achieving your goals. And just imagine what you will be able to accomplish when all of that creative energy (that is squandered on unnecessary drama) is channeled into your dreams and desires. You’ll be so delighted to see how much more fulfilling life becomes when drama is out of the picture.
To instantly receive great tips on how to shift from Alpha Bitch to Fierce and Feminine, and to receive the download of the book for free just go here: www.alphabitchbook.com
